The Pants Devil
by Bandelero-Casanova
Summary: Dr Julian Bashir has been attacked by the infamous pants devil! Only one person can help him but can Julian reach that person without totally humiliating himself? Oneshot.


**BANDELERO-CASANOVA**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN DS9, JULIAN BASHIR (HOW UNFORTUNATE), GARAK (I LOVE YOU!) OR THE PANTS DEVIL... BECAUSE NOBODY CAN CONTROL THE PANTS DEVIL!!**

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The Pants Devil Strikes!

"Shoot!" Julian swore as he heard the coarse tearing noise from behind him. The young man paused mid-bend, his hand just inches away from the PAD he had dropped only seconds before. Dr Julian Bashir's soft features tensed as he bit his lip in frustration, surely that wasn't what he thought it was? No, no, he's only imagined it. Julian had only imagined the sound of a Starfleet uniform tearing down the seam. Convincing himself that he's imagined the noise, Julian eased forward. His fingertips caressing the cold metal body of the PAD. He brought the glowing screen of the contraption up to his nose and, with a sigh of relief, Julian began to straighten up. He moved slowly, as gently as he possibly could. His eyes widening in horror as he heard it again, the infamous noise making him pause.

"Oh heavens no!" he hissed through clenched teeth, his eyes wide and his very being absolutely pertrified. Julian's hands let the PAD slip from his once steady grip. The PAD clattered against the tiled floor of the infirmary, making a horrible absolutely horrible racket yet the doctor didn't even hear. His concentration was placed firmly on his... accident.

A small bead of sweat rolled down his tanned brow and Julian brought his hands up to his chest. Underneath his blue and black uniform he could feel his heart racing. In a swift motion, Julian stretched backwards. Letting his silky, soft hands rest on his equally silky, soft buttocks. Gasping, Julian frowned. He was a skilled surgeon and knew exactly the problem before he had hit it. Running his hands down his pants, he felt the suddenly slack fabric between his fingers. The loose threads dancing on his skin and, finally, Julian Bashir felt the gapping rip where the seam of his uniform pants had formerly been.

The good doctor groaned miserably, "Why does this always happen?" he said as he stood up. Using one hand to cover the underwear –revealing rip, though it didn't stop the cold air tickling his soft and normally hidden skin. With a nervous skip Julian rushed over to the medical table, yanking up a mirror from a pile of sterilized tools and using said device to gaze up the tear. "Oh my god... it's huge" he cried as he saw a good amount to much of his crimson love-heart patterned undies in the reflective surface. Post-haste, Julian dropped the mirror back on the table before beginning a rather odd run out of the infirmary and into his private office. With both hands covering his bottom as he ran.

"No, no, no! Why today! I wasn't even doing anything!" Julian said as he let the door shut behind him, dropping his hands and running over to the cabinet behind his desk. Julian flung open the doors of the cabinet, hand searching desperately for his spare... ah, there they were! Julian's spare pants!

Dr Bashir had never made an attempt to hide his perfectly sculpted body; in fact he rather liked to show it off. This is why the young doctor often wore pants that were one size to small, thus accentuating his wondrous behind to all passers-by. However Julian had often been the victim of the infamous "pants devil", a creature that would plague him whenever he made a strenuous bend or movement. The "pants 

devil" would strike unsuspectingly, ripping the handsome Julian Bashir's pants clear in two. It was a most horrible thing but after years of "pants devil" attacks Julian had grown wise to its ways, keeping a spare pair of pants in his office at all times. It was a habit that had paid off.

Grabbing his spare pants, Julian stood up and rushed to unbuckle his Starfleet regulation pants. His fingers played around with the clasp but rather than the sleek black trousers falling down around his ankles, the pants remained firmly where they were.

"No! Your shitting me!" spat Julian, fitting with his pants. He couldn't even get the zipper down! Tugging violently at his own clothes, Julian waddled over to the desk. Picking up a laser-scalpel and aiming it at his zipper. "Now there's a stupid idea" the doctor hissed as he gazed at the laser pointed directly at his groin, amazed that he had put one of his prized possessions in harms way all for a broken zip.

"There's got to be a way..." he muttered. Waddling out back into the ward, Julian kept his back to the wall. Hands covering his derrière, he took a deep breath. This was just plain suicide. If someone saw him then he would be the laughing stock of the whole station... but then again, he really didn't have any other choice. Julian puffed out his chest and took a large stride out of the hospital doors straight into the promenade. The mad flow of people rushing about made part of Julian die inside, this could be bad.

"Excuse me!" Julian called, rushing past an Andorian with three Jumja sticks clutched in his grip. The doctor weaved through the crowd, nodding to those who took the time to greet him as they passed. The doctors heart was beating at record speeds inside his chest and he didn't dare move a hand to wipe the sweat from his face. Almost running, Julian moved forward. He turned a corner and almost cried out of happiness when he saw his goal location. He threw a foot out in front, briskly walking to the doorway that stood maybe thirty feet before him.

"Julian!" came a voice from behind him, making the doctor's cheeks burn red as he turned to view the person. There before him stood Jadzia Dax, her long hair hanging sexily around her spotted face. "Got time for a racktachino?" she said, stepping closer to Julian. Her red lipstick flashing in the bright lights of the station.

"Ah... I would love to but you see, I really am quiet busy right now!" Julian explained, telling himself that he wasn't lying to her. Rather, he was just not telling the full truth.

"Oh? Going to have lunch with Garak?" Jadzia sighed with her most seductive tone, pouting her lips. She liked being liked, she loved being chased by men. She especially liked being chased by Julian Bashir.

"Y-Yes!" Julian stammered, moon-walking into the doorway of Garak the Cardassian's shop. Only turning when Jadzia had waved goodbye and marched powerfully down the path. The first thing Julian did was shut the doors, locking them behind him like Garak had taught him. Though Garak had told him that such a procedure was only for emergencies... well this was an emergency of sorts! Walking through the dimly lit store, Julian called out to his tailor friend.

"Garak? Garak, it's Julian!" he called, making his way through the changing room and to Garak's back room. He'd never been in there before, nor had he ever really asked about it. It was just a back room after all.

"Garak?" the doctor enquired, opening the door to the back room. It was as equally dim as the store but even by standing in the doorway Julian could tell that it was a fair bit warmer inside. Obviously a room tailored to Garak's preferences. Julian smiled as he found a familiar sight sitting in a chair by the corner and walked forward instantly.

"Dr Bashir? Well this is a surprise" Garak said joyfully, honestly surprised that Julian had come looking for him. They hadn't arranged to meet today, at least Garak couldn't remember making plans with the doctor.

"Oh thank god you're here!" sobbed Julian, leaping forward and wrapping his arms around Garak's trunk. Garak couldn't help but blink, he stood in silent shock as the doctor continued to hug the Cardassian tailor.

"Is there something wrong, doctor?" Garak enquired, pushing Julian back so he could look into his eyes.

"Is there ever. Garak, I have a major problem" Julian exclaimed as he gazed into Garak's stunning aqua eyes. Julian's stiff look sent a shiver of pleasure down Garak's spine. There was SO some chemistry here, Garak just knew it.

"Whatever could it be doctor? Surely you have come to me in need of help, yes?" Garak teased in his usual fashion, turning up the lighting so as to see Julian better. Garak picked up his sewing kit and moved back to the handsome human's side.

"Garak, you can't tell a soul about this" Julian said with puppy-dog eyes, a look that Garak found impossible to refuse.

"If I find a soul, I shall never tell it" he played with Julian, he liked to play. To tease and to be witty. Garak found it thoroughly entertaining.

"Garak..."

"Of course doctor, your secret is safe with me" sighed Garak, certain the fun was now over. He watched as Julian stepped backwards, eyeing the doctor suspiciously. Julian took a few deep breaths and let the tension ebb out of his body, he turned around with his hands covering his backside.

"I've had a run in with the pants devil..." laughed the doctor.

"pants devil?" whispered Garak, very much confused.

"Yes, the pants devil has attacked my pants"

"Your... oh!" Garak gasped as Julian removed his hands and bent over, flashing his love-heart covered underwear to the Cardassian spy. "I see what you mean, doctor" laughed Garak, unable to control himself. The Cardassian sat down, covering his mouth with his hand as he laughed.

"Why don't you just take them off?" he said through fits of laughter to the doctor, to which Julian explained that he couldn't. Garak sat just about crying he was laughing so hard, his whole body shook with laughter.

"Oh Julian! This is rich!" chuckled the tailor, ignoring the long lines of abuse Julian was now hissing at him. Still bent over, Julian fought the urge to march right out.

"Are you going to help me!?" Dr Bashir howled, shaking his bottom alittle in order to catch Garak's attention. Behind him, he heard Garak huff. Had he been able to look behind him, Julian would have seen the Cardassian move up to his rear. Garak reached around Julian's waist, taking the doctor by surprise. The Cardassian's hips rubbing against the Starfleet doctor's rear as he had a go at undoing the clasp of Julian's pants from behind.

"Of course I'll help and might I say, I'm quiet enjoying this position"

"I'd enjoy it more if I could get my pants off!" Julian said in frustration, tapping an unhappy foot. Blushing as Garak replied.

"So would I Julian, so would I".


End file.
